oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
