You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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