there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
