I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
