he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
