the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
