I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
