Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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