I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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