I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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