Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize