How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize