I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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