I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
