I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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