i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
