my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want her autograph on my taint
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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