Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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