i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You made out with two different species that night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
