During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
