would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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