I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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