i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
