i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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