this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
