Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize