WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
