You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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