I think I am morally bankrupt
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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