If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
