Jerry, you need to find god
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
