And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
