Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you made out with another girl for some wings
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
