She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
