Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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