All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
