Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
