i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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