my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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