I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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