dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
