i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
