is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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