Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
