she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
