Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My cat gives me a boner
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
