ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
