I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
