no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
