We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you will always have a special place in my vag
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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