I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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