2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
