I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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