so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
