i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
