Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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