Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
