So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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