so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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