this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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