Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize