He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just had sex on a roof
Randomize
