My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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