sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
