Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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