you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
