Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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