I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
