Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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