grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
