Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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