I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
