I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
