So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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